The one in 2013…

It’s January! It only took me three weeks to blog about it! I blame my hectic schedule for my sporadic blogging. It’s pretty easy to lay the blame elsewhere because my daytimer isn’t here to defend itself.

After a December-to-remember as far as falling off and climbing back onto the wagon on a near weekly basis, I somehow managed to get through the holidays having lost both weight, inches and body fat.

I also shed something else during the latter half of December – my stressful job. I had a week off over Christmas that I used to recharge and reset my body clock so I could stop getting up at two in the morning and start being a regular member of the evenings club again.

I won’t deny that I enjoyed a little (a lot) too much food over the holidays but then again, who didn’t? I enjoyed every morsel of it knowing that come January I would have to reign it in and start being a little more responsible for what goes into my mouth.

While I was merely parked in the lot for the last couple of months, I’m now officially on the road to my first appearance on a WBFF stage. It has never seemed so real to me that in a couple of months I will be competing against a group of beautiful women in high heels and a bikini (haha – me in a bikini! Imagine! A year ago that would have never been a possibility … ever). It’s both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time (at this point, a touch more on the terrifying side.)

I recently went to a posing session with the rest of my Fit Starts Here teammates along with our coach, Krissy and it was a lot of fun to see just how comfortable other people are in their skin. I strive to be as uninhibited as them and every day am working on my tendency to be a bit on the shy side. I need to stop being worried about what other people think. Their perceptions of what I am don’t matter, only mine do.

I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that I also have the tendency to be a little dramatic at times. I let my mind run away with some crazy thoughts. I had a ton of fun during my posing session but a few days later someone was asking me about it and while describing the scene I immediately thought “They’re so beautiful. They all look so much better than me. How am I ever going to do this in four months?” aaaand cue the negative self-talk.

It all culminated with a bad dream (yes, I’m five years old) that was straight out of a movie involving me, a stage and a lot of embarrassment. Luckily for me, I have an amazing coach that also seems to double as my psychiatrist at times like this. After some reassuring words, a lot of encouragement and a verbal pat on the head I am feeling much better about my potential.

It probably seems from a lot of these blog entries that I am straight-up batshit. For anyone who has embarked on a huge project like this, especially one that involves a fair amount of physical endurance/challenges, I can only say that the hardest part is not pushing through the restraints of the body but rather pushing through the restraints of the mind. The mental challenge, for me, is the biggest barrier. My body can’t do anything my mind doesn’t believe it can do so I need that part of myself on board.

Up and down, ebbs and flows, it’s part of life I suppose. (Yeah, that did rhyme. I sometimes text in Haiku. Just call me Shakespeare.) I’m just glad that I have an ever-growing support system – my BFF and roommate Alaina, Coach Krissy, gym buddy Brenda and my new friends and teammates – Abbie, Jenna and Pauline – that can help me pull me out of the lulls and back up the hill. Onward and upward! I will start by forcing myself to stop comparing my progress to the progress of others. As Krissy told me last week, the only person I am competing against is myself. Obviously, I’m going to win.

“You may not be what you think you are, but what you think, you are.” – Jim Clark

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