The one about reflection…

It’s the last day of 2013 and I didn’t feel right about letting the year end without at least making an attempt to blog. I feel bad that I have practically abandoned this venue over the last eight months, especially as tomorrow marks two years since Fatty became reality.

Reality, though. That’s what kept me away from here. There’s something about putting words down and letting the public read them that has always made me feel accountable for my actions and lately… well, I was embarrassed to put it all out there.

We all have moments of weakness though, even if they happen to last a few months. If I’m going to tell the “world” (i.e. the two people who read this blog lol) about all the highs, it’s only right if I show the lows also. I guess you could say I feel compelled to ‘keep it real’.

In 2013 I started a new job only to lose it four months later, I found myself living off employment insurance which resulted in having to move home to live with my parents just after my 29th birthday. I had to take a step back from my competition plans because of money issues and fought every single day (unsuccessfully) to maintain some kind of balance between diet and exercise. On Labour Day weekend I pulled a muscle in my lower back, or so I thought, and pushed through pain for five weeks before finally seeing a doctor only to find out I had a herniated disc. In mid-October I was put on complete restrictions from exercise, ruining a two-year streak of success at the gym.

Now, on the last day of December I am able to look back at all the changes that have happened in one very short year. I’m 20lbs heavier, two pant sizes bigger, completely out of control with my diet and unable to find my way back into the gym.

I finally have clearance to do some very basic things as far as workouts go but I’m so terrified of hurting myself again that I haven’t managed to do anything. I get dressed in my gym clothes and get all my stuff together then think ‘well my back hurts a little. I don’t want to hurt it.’ and I chicken out. It’s a work in progress to get myself back there again. I still struggle with chronic back pain and it’s a catch-22 in that exercise can both help and hurt my injury.

These are all things I know and beat myself up about on a regular basis. I only have six months left before my 30th birthday and I want to make the last bit of my 20’s memorable because of positive things, not sitting around thinking about the things that I missed out on. I plan to start 2014 off on the right foot by getting back into healthy eating and easing my way back into the gym. Onward and upward.

Happy New Year!

Leave a Reply