I would like a Mulligan, please!
Take me back to last Monday and let me start again.
This past week I’ve experienced some very high-highs and very low-lows. I’ll get the good news out of the way first so you can all do a little mental pom-pom shake for me before I tell you how I managed to take what should have been an exciting moment and let my mind ruin it.
As I mentioned a few posts ago, Wednesday was my official check-in day. It went great (could have gone better) and I was mostly happy with my results. Down 5 pounds, 5 inches and 1% body fat. That means that my little slip up two weekends ago did make an impact but it didn’t destroy everything.
I went over my new fitness plan, was feeling good about everything and then as the hours went on that little bug in the back of my mind that likes to lurk around planting seeds of self-doubt started picking away at me. I often find the psychology of competition and sport to be far more challenging to deal with than the physical. I am a very competitive person and thus am very hard on myself. I can do anything physically that I can do mentally but, I can’t do anything physically that I can’t do mentally and that stands in my way a lot.
I found myself doing the math when it comes to my long term goals. I need to get rid of 15% of my body fat and I only managed to do away with 1% in an entire month. I only have until the end of May if I want to reach the goal I’ve set for myself. That’s six months from now, so if I keep going at the rate I’m going, anticipating zero slip ups, then I won’t make it. (That’s about as advanced as doing math in my head will get, FYI.)
I had two solid days of “meh” workouts because the whole time I was overwhelmed with negative self-talk. I had a running commentary in my head of “What’s the point if you can’t reach your goals anyway?” and “You’re going to be embarrassed in the end, you know. You might as well eat cookies.”
I knew I had to battle back against the negativity and last night I firmly told myself that it’s not about winning, it’s about trying. I will never know whether I can in fact reach my goals if I never try. If by the end of May I haven’t done what I set out to do, at least I can say I did my very best and I tried which is better than saying I gave up because it was too big and scary.
Since Mulligans only exist in golf (and sometimes bowling) and not in any practical real-life application, I can only go forward from here. It’s a new week and I’m ready to try harder than I’ve ever tried before. So I can say that above all else, at least I did that.